Watch the movie if you get a chance, but it's not essential. You can get the book from Amazon for about $10. It's important to get the book and not just read the blog, since the book talks about each topic in depth. If you want, keep this challenge a secret from your spouse and let's support each other in our efforts to see love in a new light.
The Book
The Love Dare book is derived from the movie, Fireproof, starring Kirk Cameron. His character and wife are starting the process of divorce, when his father gives him The Love Dare challenge. Cameron's character, Caleb, reluctantly accepts the challenge. He sees no improvement in his marriage until he accepts God and puts his heart fully into Christ and the dares. You yourself may already have or not have Christ in your life. Regardless, this book will challenge you to not love your spouse alone, but with the faith and support of Jesus Christ.
DARE 1: Love is Patient
Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, be bearing with one another in love.
(Ephesians 4:2)
Everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger.
(James 1:19)
THE DARE
The first part of this dare is fairly simple. Although love is communicated in a number of ways, our words often reflect the condition of our heart. For the next day (which I understand to mean today), resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse at all. If the temptation arises, choose not to say anything. It's better to hold your tongue than to say something you'll regret.
THE REFLECTION
Did anything happen today to cause anger toward your mate? Were you tempted to think disapproving thoughts and to let them come out in words?
2/14/11
(Ephesians 4:2)
Everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger.
(James 1:19)
THE DARE
The first part of this dare is fairly simple. Although love is communicated in a number of ways, our words often reflect the condition of our heart. For the next day (which I understand to mean today), resolve to demonstrate patience and to say nothing negative to your spouse at all. If the temptation arises, choose not to say anything. It's better to hold your tongue than to say something you'll regret.
THE REFLECTION
Did anything happen today to cause anger toward your mate? Were you tempted to think disapproving thoughts and to let them come out in words?
2/14/11
Dare 2: Love is Kind
Be kind to one another; tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.
(Ephesians 4:32)
What is desirable in a man is his kindness.
(Proverbs 19:22)
THE DARE
In addition to saying nothing negative to your spouse again today, do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness.
THE REFLECTION
What discoveries about love did you make today? What specifically did you do in this dare? How did you show kindness?
(Ephesians 4:32)
What is desirable in a man is his kindness.
(Proverbs 19:22)
THE DARE
In addition to saying nothing negative to your spouse again today, do at least one unexpected gesture as an act of kindness.
THE REFLECTION
What discoveries about love did you make today? What specifically did you do in this dare? How did you show kindness?
Dare 3: Love is Not Selfish
Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor.
(Romans 12:10)
Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves.
(Philippians 2:3)
Where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there is disorder.
(James 3:16)
THE DARE
Whatever you put your time, energy, and money into will become more important to you. It's hard to care for something you are not investing in. Along with restraining from negative comments, buy your spouse something that says, "I was thinking of you today."
THE REFLECTION
What did you choose to give your spouse. What happened when you gave it?
(Romans 12:10)
Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves.
(Philippians 2:3)
Where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there is disorder.
(James 3:16)
THE DARE
Whatever you put your time, energy, and money into will become more important to you. It's hard to care for something you are not investing in. Along with restraining from negative comments, buy your spouse something that says, "I was thinking of you today."
THE REFLECTION
What did you choose to give your spouse. What happened when you gave it?
Dare 4: Love is Thoughtful
How precious also are Your thoughts to me... How vast is the sum of them! If I should count them, they would outnumber the sand.
(Psalm 139:17-18)
I thank my God in all remembrance of you.
(Philippians 1:3)
THE DARE
Contact your spouse sometime during the business of the day. Have no agenda other than asking how he or she is doing and if there is anything you could do for them.
THE REFLECTION
What did you learn about yourself or your spouse by doing this today? How could this become a more natural, routine, and genuinely helpful part of your lifestyle?
(Psalm 139:17-18)
I thank my God in all remembrance of you.
(Philippians 1:3)
THE DARE
Contact your spouse sometime during the business of the day. Have no agenda other than asking how he or she is doing and if there is anything you could do for them.
THE REFLECTION
What did you learn about yourself or your spouse by doing this today? How could this become a more natural, routine, and genuinely helpful part of your lifestyle?
Dare 5: Love is Not Rude
He who blesses his friend with a loud voice early in the morning, it will be reckoned a curse to him.
(Proverbs 27:14)
The words from the mouth of a wise man are gracious.
(Ecclesiastes 10:12)
THE DARE
Ask your spouse to tell you three things that cause him or her to be uncomfortable or irritated with you. You must do so without attacking them or justifying your behavior. This is from their perspective only.
THE REFLECTION
What things did your spouse point out about you that need your attention? How did you handle hearing it? What do you plan to do to improve these areas?
(Proverbs 27:14)
The words from the mouth of a wise man are gracious.
(Ecclesiastes 10:12)
THE DARE
Ask your spouse to tell you three things that cause him or her to be uncomfortable or irritated with you. You must do so without attacking them or justifying your behavior. This is from their perspective only.
THE REFLECTION
What things did your spouse point out about you that need your attention? How did you handle hearing it? What do you plan to do to improve these areas?
Dare 6: Love is Not Irritable
He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city.
(Proverbs 16:32)
I always do my best to have a clear conscience toward God and men.
(Acts 24:16)
THE DARE
Choose today to react to tough circumstances in your marriage in loving ways instead of with irritation. Begin by making a list below of areas where you need to add margin to your schedule. Then list any wrong motivations that you need to release from your life.
THE REFLECTION
Where do you need to add margin to your life? When have you recently overreacted? What was your motivation behind it? What decision have you made today?
(Proverbs 16:32)
I always do my best to have a clear conscience toward God and men.
(Acts 24:16)
THE DARE
Choose today to react to tough circumstances in your marriage in loving ways instead of with irritation. Begin by making a list below of areas where you need to add margin to your schedule. Then list any wrong motivations that you need to release from your life.
THE REFLECTION
Where do you need to add margin to your life? When have you recently overreacted? What was your motivation behind it? What decision have you made today?
Dare 7: Love Believes the Best
[Love] believes all things, hopes all things.
(Corinthians 13:7)
If there anything praiseworthy- meditate on these things.
(Philippians 4:8)
THE DARE
For today's dare, get two sheets of paper. On the first one, spend a few minutes writing out positive things about your spouse. Then so the same with negative things on the second sheet. Place both sheet in a secret place for another day. There is a different purpose and plan for each. At some point during the remainder of the day, pick a positive attribute from the first list and thank your spouse for having this characteristic.
THE REFLECTION
Which list was easier to make? What did this reveal about your thoughts? What attribute did you thank your spouse for having?
(Corinthians 13:7)
If there anything praiseworthy- meditate on these things.
(Philippians 4:8)
THE DARE
For today's dare, get two sheets of paper. On the first one, spend a few minutes writing out positive things about your spouse. Then so the same with negative things on the second sheet. Place both sheet in a secret place for another day. There is a different purpose and plan for each. At some point during the remainder of the day, pick a positive attribute from the first list and thank your spouse for having this characteristic.
THE REFLECTION
Which list was easier to make? What did this reveal about your thoughts? What attribute did you thank your spouse for having?
Dare 8: Love is Not Jealous
Love is as strong as death, its jealousy unyielding as the grave. It burns like blasting fire.
(Song of Solomon 8:6)
Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.
(Romans 12:15)
THE DARE
Determine to become your spouse's biggest fan and to reject and thoughts of jealousy. To help you set your heart on your spouse and focus on their achievements, take yesterday's list of negative attributes and discretely burn it. Then share with your spouse how glad you are about a success he or she recently enjoyed.
THE REFLECTION
How hard was it to destroy the list? What are some positive experiences that you can celebrate in life of your mate? How can you encourage them toward future success?
(Song of Solomon 8:6)
Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.
(Romans 12:15)
THE DARE
Determine to become your spouse's biggest fan and to reject and thoughts of jealousy. To help you set your heart on your spouse and focus on their achievements, take yesterday's list of negative attributes and discretely burn it. Then share with your spouse how glad you are about a success he or she recently enjoyed.
THE REFLECTION
How hard was it to destroy the list? What are some positive experiences that you can celebrate in life of your mate? How can you encourage them toward future success?
Dare 9: Love Makes Good Impressions
Greet one another with a kiss of love.
(1 Peter 5:14)
For I have come to have much joy and comfort in your love.
(Philemon 7)
THE DARE
Think of a specific way you'd like to greet your spouse today. Do it with a smile and with enthusiasm. Then determine to change your greeting to reflect your love for them.
THE REFLECTION
When and where did you choose to do your special greeting? How will you change your greeting from this point on?
(1 Peter 5:14)
For I have come to have much joy and comfort in your love.
(Philemon 7)
THE DARE
Think of a specific way you'd like to greet your spouse today. Do it with a smile and with enthusiasm. Then determine to change your greeting to reflect your love for them.
THE REFLECTION
When and where did you choose to do your special greeting? How will you change your greeting from this point on?
Dare 10: Love is Unconditional
God demonstrated His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.
(Romans 5:8)
He who trusts in the Lord, lovingkindess shall surround him.
(Psalm 32;10)
THE DARE
Do something out of the ordinary today for your spouse- something that proves (to you and to them) that your love is based on your choice and nothing else. Wash her car. Clean the kitchen. Buy his favorite dessert. Fold the laundry. Demonstrate love to them for the sheer joy of being their partner in marriage.
THE REFLECTION
Has your love in the past been based on your spouse's attributes and behavior, or on your commitment/ How can you continue to show love when it's not returned in a way you hoped for?
(Romans 5:8)
He who trusts in the Lord, lovingkindess shall surround him.
(Psalm 32;10)
THE DARE
Do something out of the ordinary today for your spouse- something that proves (to you and to them) that your love is based on your choice and nothing else. Wash her car. Clean the kitchen. Buy his favorite dessert. Fold the laundry. Demonstrate love to them for the sheer joy of being their partner in marriage.
THE REFLECTION
Has your love in the past been based on your spouse's attributes and behavior, or on your commitment/ How can you continue to show love when it's not returned in a way you hoped for?
Dare 11: Love Cherishes
Husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies.
(Ephesians 5:28)
Answering him, Jesus said, "What do you want Me to do for you?"
(Mark 10:51)
THE DARE
What need does your spouse have that you could meet today? Can you run an errand? Give a back rub or foot massage? Is there housework you could help with? Choose a gesture that says, "I cherish you" and do it with a smile.
THE REFLECTION
What did you choose to show that you cherish your mate? What did you learn from this experience?
(Ephesians 5:28)
Answering him, Jesus said, "What do you want Me to do for you?"
(Mark 10:51)
THE DARE
What need does your spouse have that you could meet today? Can you run an errand? Give a back rub or foot massage? Is there housework you could help with? Choose a gesture that says, "I cherish you" and do it with a smile.
THE REFLECTION
What did you choose to show that you cherish your mate? What did you learn from this experience?
Dare 12: Love Lets the Other Win
Do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.
(Philippians 2:4)
If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men.
(Romans 12:18)
THE DARE
Demonstrate love by willingly choosing to give in to an area of disagreement between you and your spouse. Tell them you are putting their preference first.
THE REFLECTION
What issue did you choose? What did giving in cost you? How will this help you in the future?
(Philippians 2:4)
If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men.
(Romans 12:18)
THE DARE
Demonstrate love by willingly choosing to give in to an area of disagreement between you and your spouse. Tell them you are putting their preference first.
THE REFLECTION
What issue did you choose? What did giving in cost you? How will this help you in the future?
Dare 13: Love Fights Fair
If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand.
(Mark 3:25)
Be of the same mind toward one another.
(Romans 12:16)
THE DARE
Talk with your spouse about establishing healthy rules of engagement. If your mate is not ready for this, then write out your own personal rules to "fight" by. Resolve to abide by them when the next disagreement occurs.
THE REFLECTION
If your spouse participated with you, what was their response? What rules did you write for yourself?
(Mark 3:25)
Be of the same mind toward one another.
(Romans 12:16)
THE DARE
Talk with your spouse about establishing healthy rules of engagement. If your mate is not ready for this, then write out your own personal rules to "fight" by. Resolve to abide by them when the next disagreement occurs.
THE REFLECTION
If your spouse participated with you, what was their response? What rules did you write for yourself?
Dare 14: Love Takes Delight
Enjoy life with the wife you love all the days of your fleeting life.
(Ecclesiastes 9:9)
Give me your heart... and let your eyes delight in my ways.
(Proverbs 23:26)
THE DARE
Purposefully neglect an activity you would normally do so you can spend quality time with your spouse. Do something he or she would love to do or a project they'd really like to work on. Just be together.
THE REFLECTION
What did you decide to give up? What did you do together? How did it go? What new thing did you learn (or relearn) about your spouse?
(Ecclesiastes 9:9)
Give me your heart... and let your eyes delight in my ways.
(Proverbs 23:26)
THE DARE
Purposefully neglect an activity you would normally do so you can spend quality time with your spouse. Do something he or she would love to do or a project they'd really like to work on. Just be together.
THE REFLECTION
What did you decide to give up? What did you do together? How did it go? What new thing did you learn (or relearn) about your spouse?
Dare 15: Love is Honorable
Live with your wives in an understanding way... and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life.
(1 Peter 3:7)
I will honor them and they will not be insignificant.
(Jeremiah 30:19)
THE DARE
Choose a way to show honor and respect to your spouse that is above and beyond your normal routine. It may be holding the door for her. It might be putting his clothes away for him. It may be the way you listen and speak in your communication. Show your mate that he or she is highly esteemed in your eyes.
THE REFLECTION
How did you choose to show honor? What was the result? What are some other ways you could demonstrate honor in the coming days?
(1 Peter 3:7)
I will honor them and they will not be insignificant.
(Jeremiah 30:19)
THE DARE
Choose a way to show honor and respect to your spouse that is above and beyond your normal routine. It may be holding the door for her. It might be putting his clothes away for him. It may be the way you listen and speak in your communication. Show your mate that he or she is highly esteemed in your eyes.
THE REFLECTION
How did you choose to show honor? What was the result? What are some other ways you could demonstrate honor in the coming days?
Dare 16: Love Intercedes
Beloved, I pray that in all respects you may prosper and be in good health, just as your soul prospers.
(3 John 2)
If anyone is God-fearing and does His will, He listens to him.
(John 9:31)
THE DARE
Begin praying today for your spouse's heart. Pray for three specific areas where you desire for God to work in your spouse's life and in your marriage.
THE REFLECTION
Have you experienced the power of prayer in the past? What did you choose to pray about? Was it easy for you, or did it feel foreign to you?
(3 John 2)
If anyone is God-fearing and does His will, He listens to him.
(John 9:31)
THE DARE
Begin praying today for your spouse's heart. Pray for three specific areas where you desire for God to work in your spouse's life and in your marriage.
THE REFLECTION
Have you experienced the power of prayer in the past? What did you choose to pray about? Was it easy for you, or did it feel foreign to you?
Dare 17: Love Promotes Intimacy
He who covers over an offense promotes love, but whoever repeats the matter separates closest friends.
(Proverbs 17:9)
I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine.
(Song of Solomon 6:3)
THE DARE
Determine to guard your mate's secrets (unless they are dangerous to them or to you) and to pray for them. Talk with your spouse, and resolve to demonstrate love in spite of these issues. Really listen to them when they share personal thoughts and struggles with you. Make them feel safe.
THE REFLECTION
How much of an effort is it for you to hold back from saying something, critical or otherwise? What have you learned about your spouse today, simply from listening?
(Proverbs 17:9)
I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine.
(Song of Solomon 6:3)
THE DARE
Determine to guard your mate's secrets (unless they are dangerous to them or to you) and to pray for them. Talk with your spouse, and resolve to demonstrate love in spite of these issues. Really listen to them when they share personal thoughts and struggles with you. Make them feel safe.
THE REFLECTION
How much of an effort is it for you to hold back from saying something, critical or otherwise? What have you learned about your spouse today, simply from listening?
Dare 18: Love Seeks to Understand
How blessed is the man who finds wisdom, and the man who gains understanding.
(Proverbs 3:13)
Acquire wisdom, and with all your acquiring, get understanding.
(Proverbs 4:7)
THE DARE
Prepare a special dinner at home, just for the two of you. The dinner can be as nice as you prefer. Focus this time on getting to know your spouse better, perhaps in areas you've rarely talked about. Determine to make it an enjoyable evening for you and your mate.
THE REFLECTION
What did you learn about your spouse that you didn't know before? How could you continue this process of discovery in other ways, at other times? What were some of the moments that made this evening memorable?
(Proverbs 3:13)
Acquire wisdom, and with all your acquiring, get understanding.
(Proverbs 4:7)
THE DARE
Prepare a special dinner at home, just for the two of you. The dinner can be as nice as you prefer. Focus this time on getting to know your spouse better, perhaps in areas you've rarely talked about. Determine to make it an enjoyable evening for you and your mate.
THE REFLECTION
What did you learn about your spouse that you didn't know before? How could you continue this process of discovery in other ways, at other times? What were some of the moments that made this evening memorable?
Dare 19: Love is Impossible
Let us love one another, for love is from God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows of God.
(1 John 4:7)
This is impossible, but with God all things are possible.
(Matthew 19:26)
THE DARE
Look back over the dares from previous days. Were there some that seemed impossible to you? Have you realized your need for God to change your heart and to give you the ability to love? Ask him to show you where you stand with him, and ask for the strength and grace to settle your eternal destination.
THE REFLECTION
What do you believe God is saying to you? Is there a stirring in your heart? What decision have you made in response to this?
(1 John 4:7)
This is impossible, but with God all things are possible.
(Matthew 19:26)
THE DARE
Look back over the dares from previous days. Were there some that seemed impossible to you? Have you realized your need for God to change your heart and to give you the ability to love? Ask him to show you where you stand with him, and ask for the strength and grace to settle your eternal destination.
THE REFLECTION
What do you believe God is saying to you? Is there a stirring in your heart? What decision have you made in response to this?
Dare 20: Love is Jesus Christ
While we were still helpless, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly.
(Romans 5:6)
In His love and in His mercy He redeemed them.
(Isaiah 63:9)
THE DARE
Dare to take God at his word. Dare to trust Jesus Christ for salvation. Dare to pray, "Lord Jesus, I'm a sinner. But you have shown your love for me by dying to forgive my sins, and you have proven your power to save me from death by your resurrection. Lord, change my heart, and save me by your grace."
THE REFLECTION
Write about what this experience has been like for you. Even if you are only renewing your commitment to receive and express His love, what has He shown you today?
(Romans 5:6)
In His love and in His mercy He redeemed them.
(Isaiah 63:9)
THE DARE
Dare to take God at his word. Dare to trust Jesus Christ for salvation. Dare to pray, "Lord Jesus, I'm a sinner. But you have shown your love for me by dying to forgive my sins, and you have proven your power to save me from death by your resurrection. Lord, change my heart, and save me by your grace."
THE REFLECTION
Write about what this experience has been like for you. Even if you are only renewing your commitment to receive and express His love, what has He shown you today?
Dare 21: Love is Satisfied in God
The Lord will continually guide you, and satisfy your desire.
(Isaiah 58:11)
You open Your hand and satisfy the desire of every living thing.
(Psalm 145:16)
THE DARE
Be intentional today about making a time to pray and read your bible. Try reading a chapter out of Proverbs each day (there are thirty-one- a full month's supply), or reading a chapter in the Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John). As you do, immerse yourself in the love and promises God has for you. This will add to your growth as you walk with him.
THE REFLECTION
How do you think spending time daily with God will change your situation and perspective? How can you make Him a bigger part of your day?
(Isaiah 58:11)
You open Your hand and satisfy the desire of every living thing.
(Psalm 145:16)
THE DARE
Be intentional today about making a time to pray and read your bible. Try reading a chapter out of Proverbs each day (there are thirty-one- a full month's supply), or reading a chapter in the Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John). As you do, immerse yourself in the love and promises God has for you. This will add to your growth as you walk with him.
THE REFLECTION
How do you think spending time daily with God will change your situation and perspective? How can you make Him a bigger part of your day?
Dare 22: Love is Faithful
I will betroth you to Me in faithfulness. Then you will know the Lord.
(Hosea 2:20)
I have chosen the faithful way.
(Psalm 119:30)
THE DARE
Love is a choice not a feeling. It is an initiated action, not a knee-jerk reaction. Choose today to be committed to love even if your spouse has lost most of their interest in receiving it. Say to them today in words similar to these, "I love you. Period. I choose to love you even if you don't love me in return."
THE REFLECTION
Why is this kind of love impossible without the love of Christ beating in your heart? How does His presence within you enable you to love, even when it's primarily one-sided?
(Hosea 2:20)
I have chosen the faithful way.
(Psalm 119:30)
THE DARE
Love is a choice not a feeling. It is an initiated action, not a knee-jerk reaction. Choose today to be committed to love even if your spouse has lost most of their interest in receiving it. Say to them today in words similar to these, "I love you. Period. I choose to love you even if you don't love me in return."
THE REFLECTION
Why is this kind of love impossible without the love of Christ beating in your heart? How does His presence within you enable you to love, even when it's primarily one-sided?
Dare 23: Love Always Protects
[Love] always protects.
(1 Corinthians 13:7)
You will be restored if you remove unrighteousness far from your tent.
(Job 22:23)
THE DARE
Remove anything that is hindering your relationships, any addiction or influence that's stealing your affections and turning your heart away from your spouse.
THE REFLECTION
What did you throw out first? Are there others that need to go as well? What do you hope the removal of these things will do for you, your marriage, and your relationship with God?
(1 Corinthians 13:7)
You will be restored if you remove unrighteousness far from your tent.
(Job 22:23)
THE DARE
Remove anything that is hindering your relationships, any addiction or influence that's stealing your affections and turning your heart away from your spouse.
THE REFLECTION
What did you throw out first? Are there others that need to go as well? What do you hope the removal of these things will do for you, your marriage, and your relationship with God?
Dare 24: Love vs. Lust
The world is passing away, and also its lusts; but the one who does the will of God lives forever.
(1 John 2:17)
Act as free men, and do not use your freedom as a covering for evil.
(1 Peter 2:16)
THE DARE
End it now. Identify every object of lust in your life and remove it. Single out every lie you've swallowed in pursuing forbidden pleasure and reject it. Lust cannot be allowed to live in a back bedroom. It must be killed and destroyed, today, and replaced with the sure promises of God and a heart filled with His perfect love.
THE REFLECTION
What did you identify as an area of lust? What as this pursuit cost you over time? How has it led you away from the person you want to be? Write about your new commitment to seek Him, and to seek your spouse, rather than seeking after foolish desires.
(1 John 2:17)
Act as free men, and do not use your freedom as a covering for evil.
(1 Peter 2:16)
THE DARE
End it now. Identify every object of lust in your life and remove it. Single out every lie you've swallowed in pursuing forbidden pleasure and reject it. Lust cannot be allowed to live in a back bedroom. It must be killed and destroyed, today, and replaced with the sure promises of God and a heart filled with His perfect love.
THE REFLECTION
What did you identify as an area of lust? What as this pursuit cost you over time? How has it led you away from the person you want to be? Write about your new commitment to seek Him, and to seek your spouse, rather than seeking after foolish desires.
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